Freedom
by Sa-kun
Summary: Real people weren’t gay. Not that Kai disliked homosexuals. It was okay if other people were gay, because Kai knew he was straight. Kaicentric, and has KaiRei, others hinted. AU.


Disclaimer. The usual, don't own beyblade, blah bla, bla blah…

This is shonen ai, don't like, don't read.

I suppose this is a bit different from what I normally write, and read, but I wanted to try. It's about Kai, Kai-centric, and has KaiRei. Very, very weak, hinted BorisYuriy, and some GarlandBrooklyn and one-sided BrooklynKai.

* * *

Freedom. 

When Brooklyn asked him if he was avoiding him, Kai had to nod. Because he was. Not out of dislike or hatred, more because of freedom. To be alive meant freedom, and Kai felt he couldn't have freedom if he was stalked, pestered and always asked to participate in frivolous activities. If he was suffocated. If he was never able to be alone, to be himself.

At first, he enjoyed the company, friends, or at least friendly people, were always pleasant to be around. And Kai found it increasingly less and less difficult to wear masks of whom, and how, he was supposed to be. Therefore, the person Brooklyn thought he got to know, was in fact not entirely the true Kai Hiwatari. As time wore on, he began to realise that he was not happy, he wasn't satisfied, and he started to feel suffocated by those around him. So much, that Kai felt he had to disappear.

Kai had always had the freedom to do so when the strain of his masks became too much. He couldn't remember spending time with the same person for more than a year. Even Yuriy, who despite what everyone thought, _was_ his best friend, knew and respected that. Maybe it was because when they became introduced and developed their friendship, Kai had not yet started to wear masks. That they had met before Kai realised he wasn't quite happy.

With Yuriy, everything was so different. Before Yuriy, Kai had been, for a lack of a better word, prejudiced, critical. To him, it had always been him, and _them_. The others. The weird ones, the depressed ones, the queer ones. Those who were different. Those who weren't normal, who only existed on TV and in books, those who weren't day to day persons, real people. Because, real people weren't gay. That was a very important stand point for Kai. Not that he minded homosexual people, it was just that he _wasn't_ one of them; it was okay if other people were gay, because Kai knew he was straight. One of the normal.

Then Yuriy came, and Yuriy was special, different. He didn't see the world in black and white. He liked different music, wore different clothes and the more Kai got to know him, he realised that Yuriy was everything Kai wasn't. Where Kai was shy, Yuriy spoke out, where Kai saw faults, Yuriy found the possibilities. Kai was theoretical and Yuriy was practical, scholar and artistic, withdrawn and eccentric. Kai discovered he would be terribly lost if he'd never have met Yuriy. During high school, Yuriy was the only constant friend he had. All the others were, acquaintances, for a lack of a better word. He could only stand them more or less a year before he tired and felt the need to move on.

He supposed he should have known, seen the signs, but one tends to be ignorant when it comes to matters of the own heart. When he was little, he didn't like holding hands with other boys when they had to walk in line, because boys didn't do that. Later he realised it was because of the tingling sensation he felt, and that he on some subconscious level knew he shouldn't feel, knew was wrong.

First and second year of high school were problem free, carefree days. Third year, a rumour started. About him…and Yuriy. He didn't realise it was him they called for when they shouted 'fag' and 'pouf' in the hallways. Because Kai knew he wasn't, so he didn't react. Then a rather close classmate confronted the both of them about it, the rumour. And he was equally confused as the best friends, Boris explained, because according to another student in their grade, Boris had _seen_ Kai and Yuriy make out on the schoolyard. He remembered they had laughed about the ridiculousness of it, because really, why would best friends do that? Sure, they weren't adverse to small pecks on the mouth, or cheeks. Sure they liked to hug a bit more than the other boys. And alright, they _did_ hold hands a bit more often than was considered normal by two fifteen year old boys. But that didn't make them a couple.

People started to confront them about it, asking hesitantly. Always receiving no for an answer. Kai remembered that the man responsible for the students' behaviour around the school was the first to confront them. When they kept answering no, he always countered with that it was alright, they didn't have to be scared.

Kai suspected it was around that time that his depression started. Even now, he can't recall much of that first term during their third year of high school. Yuriy never left his side throughout the whole year, something he was ever grateful for. The depression started to ease of as the year came towards an end, along with their days of high school. Now, they had to choose their own education. Yuriy chose art, and Kai chose languages. They would not be having classes together. They would not even be attending the same school during their first year, because of the rebuilding that was taking place.

They met after school on Thursdays. Always Thursdays. And talked, hugged, because boys don't cuddle, caught up with each other. Their friendship had until then depended on the fact they attended the same lessons. So for the first time, they started to plan when to do stuff, if they could get together the upcoming Saturday for a move or what not. That year went way too fast for Kai. In his new class, he had found new friends, and they had the time of their lives. Always up to no good. One of his new friends was homophobic, but he paid it no heed, he wasn't gay anyway. Yuriy was a bit less pleased though. But Kai always countered with 'I don't hang around him because of his stand views regarding sexualities. He's just great company.'

There was also another boy in his German class that spooked him out a little. He always felt nervous around him. The first time they sat together, he had complimented his eyes, how they were beautiful and that a cousin of had similar eyes, but not as beautiful. Kai just nodded, not knowing what to say. He regretted a bit that he didn't continue sitting with the boy the whole year through, but found that it was much safer sitting alone or with someone else. Later, he would also be able to explain why he enjoyed slapping another of his friends' behind.

Then that year was over as well, and he could move back to the other school where Yuriy and a great number of the other students went. And a new class, again. Because of new choices in their subjects. Kai ended up with the boy from his German. Apparently, he was into culture, but because there were so few, the language and culture classes had been made into a whole, average sized class. Kai wasn't sure if he was pleased.

So he started to hang out with them, casually at first, then with more surety, but still not feeling as if he belonged. Brooklyn, Kyouju, Rei, Mystel, Boris (again), Takao and the rest, and still he wore a mask. Rei was a very touchy-feely person, and Kai never quite knew what to do when he received a hug or was sat on, but they got along well enough. Kyouju was very quiet, but very amusing. Mystel was refreshing. Takao knew everyone, probably the only one who did. Their class didn't get on very well with each other.

And Brooklyn, yes, of course. Him. Kai never really knew what to do with him either. He was…odd, peculiar. Forced. But they got along rather well. Perhaps a bit too well, because Kai always got the urge to flee the room when he was left alone with the boy, he just didn't know why.

And autumn came, as did Kai's depression. The depression he'd felt looming over him all of last year, but suppressed because he didn't want to acknowledge it. And now he had to. He ended up borrowing a book from the local library, and to this day, Kai still can't remember the title. He only remembered that it altered his life, changed it for the better. It described him, his fears, feelings and insecurities. Everything about him was written on those twohundred pages, it was perhaps fate that he met Yuriy the next morning and gave him the book.

Yuriy called four days later, and not wanting to have that particular conversation over the phone, Kai agreed on coming over. They talked well into the night. Or more accurately. Yuriy asked questions, dragging the answers out of Kai. He had never been much of a talkative person, and he was emotionally retarded. Because he'd always suppressed his emotions, pushed them away. Because Kai wasn't, couldn't, be one of _them_. Gay.

It all made sense, really. After all, how many straight guys found the thought of sex disgusting? Kai could barely touch a woman, and had only forced himself to do so once. It hadn't worked out. So Kai admitted to himself, to Yuriy, which was basically the same thing. He was queer.

Slowly, he began to change, melting into someone else…someone who was entirely himself on every level. Someone Brooklyn hadn't spent the past year getting to know. Brooklyn himself was depressed, severely so on many more levels than Kai had ever been. So when Brooklyn one night began to ask personal questions, one of them being about his sexuality, and then had a panic attack because of Kai's lack of reaction concerning the personal questions, Kai felt it was time to move on. Evidently, Brooklyn didn't feel the same.

They met once or twice in the beginning of the summer, during which the last time they met, the above occurred and Kai 'disappeared' for the rest of the summer, working and spending time with Yuriy. He felt new and refreshed when school started again. Their last year before university. He began to flirt back when Rei hugged him, making suggestions of his own, to which Rei always made suggestive poses, smirks and winks back. Kai took it for the game it was. After all, Rei was hot. And Kai knew he liked his eyes, he still told Kai that often enough for Kai not to forget it. Kai never gathered the courage to admire Rei's own eyes back.

Brooklyn demanded to speak with him in private two days after they'd gotten back to school, and full of dread, Kai agreed. It happened only one more time. After that, Brooklyn steadfastly ignored Kai, even going as far as if Kai was speaking to Rei, he could come in, not look once at Kai, say something to Rei, and then move back out of the door.

It would seem Brooklyn believed himself to have a crush on Kai. Kai didn't feel the same. Nor did he believe it. But with a little help from Yuriy, conversations and what not, Kai soon had the situation under control. He wasn't inhuman for not finding the strength, the urge to care. He didn't care, and that perhaps bothered him more than the infatuation. Yuriy had a point, and it seemed accurate enough, it was only after Brooklyn found out Kai was gay that the crush started. So maybe Brooklyn was only fascinated with the idea of the sexuality, instead of Kai as a person?

Six months went by, and Kai and Yuriy whole heartedly agreed on that Rei had a really, really nice behind. It was nicely shaped, pert and very tempting. It looked very squeezable. Then Takao decide to throw a birthday party. They were all invited. And some others Kai didn't know, but he didn't particularly care.

Due to fate, he ended up next to Rei on several occasions throughout the night, and they talked a lot, the two of them and Max. It was surprisingly giving conversations, who knew Max could be so deep?

They were dragged to the couches by an impatient Takao, to have tequila shots. Rei licked his hand to make the salt stay on it. _His_ hand. Kai ignored the butterflies. The person next to him, Garland was his name, made an offhand comment about them sitting in the gay-corner. Him, Garland and Brooklyn. The two of them were supposedly bisexual. He assumed his cluelessness showed as disinterested, because Brooklyn dragged his new friend's attention back to himself, commenting about how it didn't amuse Kai.

Then they drained the shots, and Kai genuinely liked it. Even if Rei had used his tongue on Kai's hand. Then Takao inquired rather loudly and a tad drunkenly why Kai always sat next to Rei. Of course Kai answered. 'Oh, but didn't I tell you, Takao, I've got the hots for Rei.'

Apparently, that was more that Brooklyn could handle, because he disappeared to the bathroom, and when he came back, him and Garland took an unhealthy amount of pleasure in trying to drink. Kai; Max and Rei decided to go back to their talk. About sexualities this time. Max was straight, but very curious about how Kai knew, and _how_ and _why_ people became gay. Surprisingly, both Rei and Kai thought it was biological. Rei thought he might be bisexual, but he just couldn't see himself _sexually_ with a man…like _that_. Kai graciously offered to help him experiment, Rei agreed, winking. It was nice to be able to joke like that. Nice that someone understood not to take him word by word, like Brooklyn. Who was telling Garland about the idiot who turned him down in total disregard of his feelings and that he'd just gone through hell finding out he was bisexual. Kai could've snorted.

By the end of the night, Brooklyn and Garland started to make out. No surprise there. The only obvious thing all night. And Kai was pleased, because maybe that would mean Brooklyn would finally realise his actions and wake up. Kai got a kiss on his cheek from Rei.

Then their friendly relationship started to change, growing more flirtatious. Hands on the small of his back, squeezing his knee, his thigh, close, near soft hugs, a head on his shoulder, requests about him running his hands through Rei's hair, the occasional kiss on the cheek.

Brooklyn claimed he was insensitive, disregarding his emotions. 'What _emotions_?' He remembered demanding. 'The emotions you displayed by snogging Garland? Cut the crap, Brooklyn. Leave me alone, please. Be happy, I am happy.' Brooklyn fell silent then, and Kai left, going to lay down on a couch only to end up being used as a pillow by an exhausted neko-jin.

Graduation day, and Kai felt indifferent almost. Maybe because he realised that the only person he would come to miss, was Rei. Rei Kon. Beautiful, soft, kind, warm, open…and not his. Kai startled when a warm hand slipped into his own, turning, Yuriy's name died on his lips. It was Rei. He blushed, and Rei chuckled silently. He cleared his throat, nervously intertwining his fingers with Rei's, and this time it wasn't Kai who blushed.

Suddenly, Kai was engulfed in a hug. 'Kai!' Kai smiled, hugging back with one hand, holding onto Rei with the other. 'Hey Yuriy.' Yuriy had smiled brightly, before kissing him square on the mouth, breathing out how he was so relived to finally be out of school. Then he noticed Rei.

Kai tensed slightly, and he remembered noticing that Rei had gotten slightly pale at the two best friends behaviour. Yuriy introduced himself, and their relationship. Rei's smile was blinding, Yuriy had that scheming smirk on his face when he turned to Kai. 'Let me know when it's official so you can go on a double date with me and Boris.'

Those kisses never ended that night. They were thrilling, hot and explosive. He suddenly understood the appeal of sex, and Rei did too, if his moans were an indicator. Most of all, it was experimental. It was about learning and feeling. Trusting and fumbling. And fumble they did, straight through the whole summer.

Even if he couldn't quite sit straight, and that he was sore as hell, Rei definitely _could_ see himself sexually with another man. And damn it felt good. Kai sighed, and kissed Rei softly, because he just felt like it. And he smiled. Finally knowing what true freedom meant, felt like. It was all about love in the end. At least his freedom was, and it was called Rei Kon.

* * *

And that's it I suppose, the story of Kai's life ;) 

It's a one-shot and it will stay that way. R&R please!


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